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Weekly Horoscope ♌️✨
New ear, new you!
Hello my stars! How have you been? Do we love or do we LOVE what Winnie has done with the place? Larissa had surgery last week and has had the immense joy of having so many poems to read while recovering. Also, yesterday was PTK’s BIRTHDAYYYYY!!! Can you believe we started this exchange ONE year ago and now we are the world’s first billionaire poetry duo? (Jk, for now, keep forwarding this to your friends and we promise that PTK will donate our second million and redistribute our wealth in an ethical way). In celebration of PTK’s B-day we made her a birth chart (included below) and inspired by that and Winnie’s piece from the last few weeks (and Kelly and Wilhelmina’s responses), here is Larissa’s prophetic response!
The holiday season is in full swing, Leo, and you’re working harder than ever to recover from your fourth ear surgery. When Mercury enters Capricorn on Tuesday you will begin to have nightmares about hands grabbing you in your sleep and you will wonder if it’s the mood stabilizers you’re on and if you should message your psychiatrist about it or if you should just stop taking it and deal with the consequences. You will be recalling the time you were on a strange blood pressure medication (back when Venus was in love) despite not having high blood pressure, that stopped your nightmares but then they took it off the market. But while you were still on it you fainted at Friendlies in LA and the bouncer kicked you out because he thought you were high. This will be a time for nostalgia and remembering, but don’t get too caught up in the past.
Wednesday brings windfalls during the full moon in Gemini and your hope zone. We know that you have Gemini trauma caused by your ex and that your hope zone is dominated by the thought that they are glancing at this horoscope out of habit and thinking about all the harm and damage they have caused in your life. You will never fully recover from their alcohol fueled outbursts and their callous cheating. But it is they who should feel bad Leo, not you! You are doing so well! You are thriving! They should feel guilty and jealous!
This is a lucky day to meet up with friends, buy yourself some technology and just make a wish on a winter night. Maybe wish that your Gemini ex gets drunk on New Year’s Eve and unblocks you on Instagram just long enough to see how hot and over them you are!
End the week on a positive note by making nice with all your co-workers when Venus enters your productivity zone on Friday. Make sure to finish applying to that open call because you have been rejected from all the other ones you applied to this year, meanwhile your Gemini ex is now famous and rich and you keep hearing their songs on TikTok and it makes you want to stab your healing ear and repuncture the ear drum they just patched up in surgery. But don’t fall into that trap, Leo!
Remember that you, Leo, are the real star!
This week’s Venus placement makes it a great time to focus on you career because it’s not like you have anything else going on in your life, unlike your Gemini ex. With Mercury in your productivity zone, this is also a great time to run errands and finish any lingering projects so you can start 2023 on a fresh note. And we know you have A LOT of lingering projects because you’ve been struggling with burn out since September but we promise if you finish all your pending tasks before the end of the month 2023 will be so much better for you. New ear, new you!
Everyone seems to get along better as the year ends. Except of course for you and your family, because your therapists have decided it’s best if you never spend Christmas with your parents ever again because it’s “unproductive” and every Christmas has been terrible (except for the one Christmas you spent with your Gemini ex, but you’re single now and have no one to tell your Pisces dad that he’s an asshole, and you, Leo, are not able to do it without crying). So stay home with your dog on Christmas Eve, Leo! Enjoy the lonely freedom of not being codependent anymore!
It’s the season for gifts. Take stock of the gifts the year has brought you: you had two solo shows, you were interviewed for two podcasts, you acquired a surprising amount of credit card debt! You have always been the best at gift giving, unlike your Gemini ex who only ever gave you trauma, but, Leo, you are totally fine and thriving and hot and YOU ARE THE GIFT to the world. YOU, Leo, are perfect and hot and sexy and amazing and your life is great and the only reason you haven’t been doing better than your Gemini ex is because Leo is a fixed sign and Gemini isn’t and fixed signs have been struggling but next year you’re gonna be THRIVING (and your Gemini ex will be the one who will suffer).
Take it easy this week, Leo. You are doing amazing!
Wow! What a year it has been! Do you ever sit and wonder “WTF is this project I am reading?” Well, blame it on our horoscope:
Thank you for one amazing year! Stick around cause Kelly and Larissa are taking our supplements and drinking lost of green juice so we can keep this project going for many, many, many more (or at least until we make our first million).
With so much love and gratitude to all our readers
Larissa and Kelly (aka Poetry Trapper Keeper)