Transcript from the Dinner Party 👩🏼‍🍳

So, how are everyone’s dreams going?

Hiiii! It’s your host, Kelly. I decided to take the top-voted responses from Larissa’s dinner party survey and imagine what the dialog from our Hot People Host a Dinner Party issue would look like like. 🍽️ Enjoy!!!

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Transcript from the Dinner Party 👩🏼‍🍳

We start zoomed in on a bowl of thick tomato soup that’s being sloshed by an unassuming spoon. The scene slowly pans out. The host is spritzing the room with the smell of nostalgia: two drops of Victoria’s Secret Love Spell mixed with one drop of Axe Body Spray. The dress code: cocktail. The facts: optional. 


Host: 
Now please, everyone, try to keep an intimate distance from each other tonight! 

Guest #1: 
(shoving spoonfuls of Spongebob square potatoes into mouth) 
And then I realized, I’m just unemployed and overstimulated!! 

Guest #2:
Hahaha. Pls take my baggage, I’ll pick it up at my next destination. 

Guest #3: 
Bread doesn’t soak it up like it used to anymore. 

Guest #4:
This Barbie is hun-gryyyyy. 

Guest #2: 
So, how are everyone’s dreams going? 

Guest #4:
(hands tied in parsley) 
Well, this week I dreamed I was in an office that was styled like a hip startup… and this Serbian woman picked me up by the collar… held me against the door… and punched a hole into the wall the size of an asteroid!!  

Host:
(chugging Tesco Value Whiskey) 
Last night I dreamed I’d been cavorting with a cheeseburger. 

Guest #3: 
A glass of red, please. 

Guest #1:
I have nothing to declare except limerence. 

Guest #2: 
I never could cook anything concrete, so I’ve been kitchen celibate since!!

Host: 
Live, laugh, love.

Guest #4:
Yes, chef. 

Guest #3:
(throwing a leek at Guest #4)
If you hadn’t arrived so late, maybe this filet wouldn’t be as cold as your heart!!

Guest #4:
Sorry, I was busy bouncing ideas off the moon.

Guest #1:
Well, the Earth is on fire, so we might as well start consulting her anyway.

(everyone starts to avoid eye contact with The Host’s Hot Boyfriend - who is a climate-denier, a Scientologist, and a flat-Earther)

Guest #2:
Oooo, I love a good burn. And forked romanticism fluffing its way back to you. 

The Hosts’ Hot Boyfriend: My psychiatrist always said, if you need:
 
surfing with men
boundaryless inappropriate friendship with men
to model
to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit
to post sexual pictures
friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting lunch or coffee or something respectful 

I am not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness I support it and there will be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. 

Guest #3:
(to Guest #2)
Omggggg, do I have the same shrink as The Host’s Hot Boyfriend!? 

Guest #1: 
Lowkey feeling like I can’t tell the difference between chance and choice anymore.

Guest #2: 
Lately, I’ve been dealing with swallowing. 

Guest #4:
Is this cherry cake God, or just artificial stupenda? 

Host:
If there’s anything I know, it’s the hills of my own stomach!!

Guest #4:
Like, who ever thought of time as a pancake in the first place?

Guest #3:
(whispering to the cherry cake) 
Parasaaaapphic relationships.

Guest #4:
(standing up abruptly, red-handed)
Excuse me, I have to go.

Guest #1:
This cup of coffee used to be my body. 

The Host’s Hot Boyfriend:
And now we just over-caffeinate time. 

We follow Guest #4 outside as their car arrives. Once they’re settled inside, they pull a cherry out from their pocket, pop it in between their lips, and press their cheek against the Uber window as they pull away.

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And that’s a wrap on our dinner party!! Hope you’re feeling satiated because our “❤️‍🔥Hot People are in a Situationship❤️‍🔥” issue is dropping this Friday!!