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Transcript from the Dinner Party 👩🏼🍳
So, how are everyone’s dreams going?
Hiiii! It’s your host, Kelly. I decided to take the top-voted responses from Larissa’s dinner party survey and imagine what the dialog from our Hot People Host a Dinner Party issue would look like like. 🍽️ Enjoy!!!
Transcript from the Dinner Party 👩🏼🍳
We start zoomed in on a bowl of thick tomato soup that’s being sloshed by an unassuming spoon. The scene slowly pans out. The host is spritzing the room with the smell of nostalgia: two drops of Victoria’s Secret Love Spell mixed with one drop of Axe Body Spray. The dress code: cocktail. The facts: optional. Host: Now please, everyone, try to keep an intimate distance from each other tonight! Guest #1: (shoving spoonfuls of Spongebob square potatoes into mouth) And then I realized, I’m just unemployed and overstimulated!! Guest #2: Hahaha. Pls take my baggage, I’ll pick it up at my next destination. Guest #3: Bread doesn’t soak it up like it used to anymore. Guest #4: This Barbie is hun-gryyyyy. Guest #2: So, how are everyone’s dreams going? Guest #4: (hands tied in parsley) Well, this week I dreamed I was in an office that was styled like a hip startup… and this Serbian woman picked me up by the collar… held me against the door… and punched a hole into the wall the size of an asteroid!! Host: (chugging Tesco Value Whiskey) Last night I dreamed I’d been cavorting with a cheeseburger. Guest #3: A glass of red, please. Guest #1: I have nothing to declare except limerence. Guest #2: I never could cook anything concrete, so I’ve been kitchen celibate since!! Host: Live, laugh, love. Guest #4: Yes, chef. Guest #3: (throwing a leek at Guest #4) If you hadn’t arrived so late, maybe this filet wouldn’t be as cold as your heart!! Guest #4: Sorry, I was busy bouncing ideas off the moon. Guest #1: Well, the Earth is on fire, so we might as well start consulting her anyway. (everyone starts to avoid eye contact with The Host’s Hot Boyfriend - who is a climate-denier, a Scientologist, and a flat-Earther) Guest #2: Oooo, I love a good burn. And forked romanticism fluffing its way back to you. The Hosts’ Hot Boyfriend: My psychiatrist always said, if you need: surfing with men boundaryless inappropriate friendship with men to model to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit to post sexual pictures friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting lunch or coffee or something respectful I am not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness I support it and there will be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. Guest #3: (to Guest #2) Omggggg, do I have the same shrink as The Host’s Hot Boyfriend!? Guest #1: Lowkey feeling like I can’t tell the difference between chance and choice anymore. Guest #2: Lately, I’ve been dealing with swallowing. Guest #4: Is this cherry cake God, or just artificial stupenda? Host: If there’s anything I know, it’s the hills of my own stomach!! Guest #4: Like, who ever thought of time as a pancake in the first place? Guest #3: (whispering to the cherry cake) Parasaaaapphic relationships. Guest #4: (standing up abruptly, red-handed) Excuse me, I have to go. Guest #1: This cup of coffee used to be my body. The Host’s Hot Boyfriend: And now we just over-caffeinate time. We follow Guest #4 outside as their car arrives. Once they’re settled inside, they pull a cherry out from their pocket, pop it in between their lips, and press their cheek against the Uber window as they pull away.
And that’s a wrap on our dinner party!! Hope you’re feeling satiated because our “❤️🔥Hot People are in a Situationship❤️🔥” issue is dropping this Friday!!