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my horoscope says you hate me

Poetry Trapper Keeper
Dec 16, 2022
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Hi everyone!! Keeping with the astrological theme of Larissa’s Leo manifesto from last week, I’ve decided to spice it up and re-share an old piece of mine (one of the very first poems I ever got published!) because it seemed too PER-FECT a response. It’s eerie because most of the stuff in this poem came true, including my gynecologist calling me this week and letting me know that I’m HP-FREE!! Also, don’t worry, I have since gotten a therapist. 😘


Pop Astrology ♉ ✨

My horoscope says
I cannot stay home and hope the love of my life will knock on my door

My horoscope says
I am threatened by emotions because I cannot control or rationalize them

My horoscope says
You hate me

My horoscope says
My happiness is tied to my freedom

My horoscope says
The older I get, the younger I’ll feel

My horoscope says
I need a partner who’s able to accept my intensity

My horoscope says
Not to charge my crystals under the full moon

My horoscope says
What I need from a relationship is often at odds with the type of person I’m drawn to

My horoscope says
Foreign men are stimulating in a slightly provocative way to me

My astrologer says
When I’m eighty, I’ll still wonder if you were a prince or if you were a frog

My tarot reader says
I will rule the kingdom alone and you will come back to test me

My gynecologist says
The HPV will eventually go away

My parents say
I worry too much

My friends say
I’m the most self-assured person they know

My therapist says
Just kidding, I don’t have a therapist


originally published in “In Parentheses” magazine, 2019

Your poetry homework for the week is to NOT get intimidated by what your Co-Star app is telling you. ✌️

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