On Burning Bright & Out (1)
On Burning Bright & Out (1)
Part 1 of a letter from the editors
On Burning Bright & Out
Hi. Remember us? We are (allegedly) a weekly poetry newsletter run by Kelly Mullins and me, Larissa Fantini. It’s ok if you’ve forgotten, it’s been a while! We have not forgotten about you though! I especially have not forgotten as I have that pesky neurodivergent-brain-thinking-loop-procrastination-rumination thing (aka ADHD), which has been actively in fight or flight response because I KNOW this essay is long overdue. So please, sit down, grab a fun bev (or three), and let me tell you where we’ve been.
On Burning Bright ✨
From Monday, July 15th through Wednesday, July 17th, PTK took over Treehouse NDSM with QUEERHOUSE; three days of creative festivities as a part of Queer Amsterdam 2024.
We want to extend our sincere gratitude to Camille & Treehouse NDSM for being so welcoming with the venue, as well as always being willing to lend a hand. And ofc, we need to thank Queer Amsterdam, and especially Sorab, who embraced our project with an open mind, heart, and arms.
We are forever thankful to our team of volunteers, Andrea (+ Rodrigo), Jess, Yunus, Jamie, Helen, and all the Queer Amsterdam crew! None of it would have happened without you.
Most of all we are so incredibly grateful to all who came and took part in our workshops, and engaged with our creative prompts and were interested in crafting community with us.
Community is always transformative, generative, and enriching. Even if at times challenging, it is always rewarding.
During these three days we got to see first hand these communities forming. Communities can form in so many ways. They can be rooted in a shared desire to reexamine Twilight as a sacred text, like Jamie showed us. Or they can come from a reconnection with one’s bodily impulses in the form of doodling or in engaging in the “yes and yes anding…” of Queer Joy we experienced in Jess’ Queer Improv workshop…
Community also shares in reflection; taking moments to acknowledge queer resistance, as during the No Pride in Genocide film screenings, facilitated by Yunus.
We were able to platform so many queer artists in our Bulletin Board Exhibition (a full write up will be coming; but for now I would like to personally thank Marcela, Naia, Niko, Arthur, Everton, Laura, Ana, Toni and Gabriele for trusting me with their art works, their visions, their ways of seeing the world)
And how can I even MENTION Gabriele without mentioning our incredible partnership with him for our Poetry Dinner Party?
From the very beginning, Gabriele understood our performance dinner perfectly! From the incredible amouse bouches, to the pink & green dessert tarts, he served vegan perfection at every course. Working alongside him was a privilege and an honor!
But… we are biased… so if you’re not yet convinced, we received TWO reflections from our dinner party guests! We shared the first reflection, by Tania a while back & you can read it on her blog bye bye girlboss .
During the open mic portion of our Dinner, Anouk read a poem. Afterward, we reached out to her to see if she would be interested in sharing it here. Not only did she agree, but she also sent us such a beautiful write up about her experience that night. Her email found us at a moment of great exhaustion and burnout (but you will have to read part two of this essay tomorrow to fully understand how much we needed these words of encouragement).
We will close off this recap post by once again passing the metaphorical mic over to Anouk. Your words mean more than you know
Reflection
With my red-headed love in tow I entered through the opening into the maze of colourful containers. Artist's residences, a few of the artists themselves outside having a smoke. We arrived at a little square opening up to the grey sky, which was by no means a reflection of our moods. There was a little wait before we could be seated inside since we were quite early but it was no issue, there were bubbles to be played with and chalk to be coloured with. Plus they provided fidgettoys which was just a blessing in and of itself. My love got me a glass of pink wine as nothing makes me happier than calling rosé pink wine and having her serve it to me. Soon after we received rolled up notes in unboiled pasta with just one word on it (I can't actually remember mine but I'm sure it was a good one) and we were asked to come inside with perfect timing, as the rain had just decided to come greet us.
Entering the large, industrial building we were greeted bij dim lights and the u-shaped, cozy table setting of our dreams. What followed was a night filled with meeting new people, sharing memories and making new ones. It was awkward at times, but Larissa and Kelly made space for every neurospicy, anxiety ridden and insecurity driven feeling without it taking over. They created a safe space where boundaries were respected as well as challenged. I even performed quite spontaneously which usually makes my nerves crawl through my body but I was just filled with joy for it this time.
I won't uncover too much of what exactly transpired during the dinner, but believe me when I say that the effort and creativity Larissa and Kelly put into the night was amazing to witness.
At last I have to give the loudest shoutout to The Vegan Bear Chef, Gabry, who not only prepared the most creative and delicious vegan meal ever but was also just the most likeable guy ever.
All in all it was a very enjoyable and creative night and it was great to see such amazing hosts in their element.
~
Anouk’s Poem
I’ve been marching for all of my life and if it wasn’t through mine it was through my mother’s eyes And her mother’s eyes and her mother’s eyes I’ve been marching in inadequate working clothes and shoes with a steel nose that don’t quite fit Through safety measures that weren’t made for me and labels that were made to stick I’ve been stigmatized and catcalled My dreams have been de-realized and stalled All because my voice is slightly higher pitched than yours All because you still think I was made to do your chores And I know some people get tired of this fight but the balance is still not quite right I still get paid less, hired less, believed in less to do more work than you My dreams get shattered, my body used and you think there’s still nothing left to do? So, until my dreams are equal to yours Until the evening is safe, until someone listens to my plans, until I’d rather be in the forest with a man Until my voice opens just as many doors I will channel the collective rage of the women who were, the women who’ll come and the women who are I will kick and scream and show you my scars I will march Through my eyes and my daughter’s eyes and her daughter’s eyes I will march Until you see we are all made of the same stars
Anouk (she/her) is a queer, feminist, Dutch poet and author on themes such as bisexuality in all it's invisible glory, craters of loneliness and love as big as dinosaurs. She shares short poems on her Instagram (99% of the time in Dutch): @rauwe.kost